BLA BLA BLA DEE BLA!

Cock-a-doodle do! I'm reaching THAT age where one starts to consider their future. At 27 3/4 I want a career change so that in my 30s I still look this amazing but have a sparkling bank account & witty purpose! Like Ironside I wanna be in a courtroom swivelling on my kitten heels (not that bit for poor old wheelchair bound Irony I must say!) checking out potential husbears in the jury! Honestly - it will be JUST like going shopping!

In keeping with my new wont here is a pohem to kickstart the idea.

Read into it as you will.

PS it's your shout!

 

GOLDSIDE

A pohem by Ms Denise Gold

Aged 27 3/4

I want to be a lawyer

I think I could go far

I see myself in leopardprint

Addressing all the bar

So if you're in some trouble

Just call me, I'll be there

But especially if you're 25 with a hot surfer body, tribal arm tattooes, shoulder length thick brown locks & an unfortunate affliction which has rendered you mute but drop dead gorgeous - no verandah over the playpen & a healthy ticker...

ODE TO SATURDAY

SATURDAY

Written by Ms Denise Gold aged 27 ¾

August 18, 2012

Saturday, Saturday, is there a fatter day?

House cleaning, shopping & fun!

Fresh eggs to scramble & papers to read

Long coastal runs to be run

Lawn mowers roar as their spark plugs get petrol in,

Coffee machines gurgle steam

Children find cardboard to slide down grass hills upon

Life is ‘être en abyme’

Relos are visited, routine resisted,oh!

Saturday, can we be wed?

You can plump pillows & potter about

While I keep my tootsies in bed

If you are needing me, don’t come misleading me

Please address me, if you please

As ‘Ms Denise Saturday’ Hostess of Glitter Way

Just past Gold Crescent-on-Leas

Oh Saturday, Saturday, ‘it doesn’t matter’ day

Bring me my slippers & pipe

I’m pretty sure soon I will leap out of bed

To see what is with all this hype!

So if you come by my way, pop in for lemonade

Pink as the birds on my lawn

The astro turf’s just been hosed, Cherry’s made salsa

The baby pool’s filled up with prawns!

Then again, toasty is feeling quite heavenly...

P’raps I will just stay this way

And contemplate life in the flannelette sheets 'til

Saturday turns into Sunday



MEN, MEN, WHERE DO I BEGIN? A POEM...

Hello Dollies!

Well cock-a-doodle do dah day! Here is my latest bush poem - I recited it at my last Monthly show - as I am on the warpath, I mean 'look out' for husband number 8, I got to reflecting on my past loves. I've had many husbands, some of them have even been mine...& I have loved, well at least, known, every gentleman I have had the pleasure of spending time with.

Enjoy!

MEN, MEN, WHERE DO I BEGIN?

Robert was English & stuffy

John was a man of his word

Boris was Russian & burly

Dave was a bit of a turd!

Daniel was built like an outhouse

Steve had some issues 'down there'

Jasper had flat feet & acne

But hugged like a strong grizzly bear!

Stuart was manly but quiet

Jonathon? Cheery & bold

Brain Drain Wayne from Abermain

Was the first to my Pot O'Gold

Brett was a runner, so tricky

To pin down for dinners & dates

Justin was clever, but boring

Lindsay would self medicate

And who could forget Flash Barry?

He was truly a wonderful chap

He moved to Scandinavia

To orienteer with a map!

And now here I am looking forward

To meeting husbear number eight

He'll be handsome, young & virile

And no problems with the prostate!

So if you know James, Wal or Albie

Or Simon or Bernard or Rex

I'll pass on those, I think that perhaps

A Roger is what I need next.

MONDAYITIS CURED!

Well some of you will have heard me singing on the wireless about an hour ago here at the ABC 1233 studios in Newcastle! You see, the folk at ABC had heard about my amazing new Monthly Show & lured me in with promises of carrot sticks, cottage cheese & celery! They know I've just had a tapeworm so were being supportive - what a lovely bunch they are in there! All of us here at Denise Gold Industries hope to see you this Monday July 2nd at 7.30pm at the Queens Wharf Brewery with bells on! 

Who says you can't leave the house on a Monday night? All welcome!

Love, cartwheels & wet willes in your ear with a devilishly wicked grin,

Deniiiiiise xox

OUR MIGHTY GREEN & GOLD

Dear Gold Botherers,

It is with a criminal sense of Aussie pride that I announce with fanfare - Denise Gold Industries is dedicating the June 4th 'Denise's Monthly Variety Show' at the Queen's Wharf Brewery to the Australian Wallabies Rugby Union team!

The boys will land in our fair city sometime Monday June 4th, the VERY day I will be popping on my best Chrissy Amphlett costume & entertaining you with the BEST of Aussie music! How long has it been since you've heard live versions of music featuring solid greats from The Divinyls to Cold Chisel? ACDC to John Farnham via Peter Allen?

Pop along for songs, my very own game-show-a-go-go with local sporting guests including the wonderful basketball freak of nature Butch Hays, celebrity interview (yet to be revealed!) & more...it's my favourite show YET!

And here is my latest Bush Poem ready to be recited at the show...

*ahem*

DENISE'S ODE TO THE WALLABIES

I love this island girt by seals,

I love our landscape, bold

Our roos & wombats, Wallabies

I love the ‘green & gold’

Big men in shirts, their muscles taut

I must confess I’m sold

I’ll brave the air tomorrow night

To watch the ‘green & gold’

The rugby Scotsmen must be scared

To face our team, extolled

For who would brave a ruck with our

fine team in ‘green & gold?’

Our boys are holed up somewhere nice

Tonight, or so I’m told

My ‘phone’s on silent just in case

They want to meet some Gold

And what’s a maul between close friends?

Who needs to be cajoled?

I love our Aussie sporting greats

Who wear the ‘green & gold’

Our survey stats reveal to me

That when you all were polled

There’s just no doubt, it’s crystal clear

You love the ‘green & gold’

So here I send out words of pride

To our fine Aussie fold

Our Wallabies will do us proud

The mighty – ‘green & gold.’

Love, footy franks & plenty of rucks & mauls!

Deniiiiiiise

xxx