Hellllooooo Dollies!!!

I have been in rehab now for close to ten months. It's been amazing. I have learnt to love frozen yoghurt, plastic cutlery & group therapy sessions that involve kicking through the ashes of gold glitter's a very real and under reported mental illness & I for one think that if someone has to raise awareness about this dangerous proclivity, however attractive it may seem - well, it may as well be me. As you can tell my ego has not taken a hit like most addicts will attest to when trapped within the walls of rehab. But that's just me - I am teflon. Nothing negative can stick to this glittering mortal coil!

I also wish to thank you all for the millions of letters and postcards. I have read them all. Well, Cherry has read them out to me when she visits. Which is every 4 minutes...

I would answer them but I have been strapped into this gold 'safety' jacket for months & am writing this with a bendy straw in my pursed young lips. Cherry says her bursitus is playing up & can't write to you all regardless of my pleading. Personally I think she is just being difficult. It is a trial. But it's what I do. I just. Give.

Here is a little video for you to watch - and please...think of me.


*straw drops and slight stream of dribble with star burst glistens*

I glove ypou a;ll *buzzes Nurse Ratchet to place straw into 27 3/4 year old lips*






They tried to make me go to rehab

I said go-go-gold!

Yes I've been rad but when I get there

I'll fo-fo-fold


I ain't got the time and if my daddy thinks I'm fine  

He's tried to make me go to rehab, I won't go, go, gold

I'd rather be at home with Ray (Dineen)

I ain't got seventy days  

'Cause there's nothing, there's nothing you can teach me  

That I can't learn from Mr. Liber-a-ce

Didn't get a lot in class But I know it don't come in pulverised glass

They tried to make me go to rehab, I said, "Go - go - gold"

Yes, I've been rad but when I come back you'll know know know

The man said, "Why do you think you here?"

I said, "I got glitter on the brain! So I always keep a bottle near"

He said, "I just think you're depressed" This me, "Yeah baby, and the holographic rest"

They tried to make me go to rehab, I said, "Go - go - gold"

Yes, I've been rad but when I come back you'll know, know, know

I don't ever wanna snort glitter again I just, ooh, I just need a friend

I'm not gonna spend ten weeks Have everyone think I'm on the mend

And it's not just my pride It's just 'til this spray adhesive has dried

They tried to make me go to rehab, I said, "Go - go - gold!" 




New Year's Eve is upon us

I've laid out the sailor dress ready

Cherry is taking Phenergan

So on board she can keep her feet steady


Sala's will look like the Love Boat

A lei on arrival & all

The fare will be hearty just like a real cruise

I promise we'll all have a ball!


So come in your 80s finery

Glittery, sailory, hot!

I'll be my usual glamorous self

And Cherry her usual, not!


Join us for deck games & drinkies

Music & songs will be jolly

I'll be waiting for handsome sailors

Underneath the gold holly


So come on board, come one, come all

Help bring in January 1st

Cherry & I & a special guest

Will successfully knacker your thirst!


So see you there Dollies, come up, say hello

Sing-along, make you some merry

Merry Christmas to you & to all whom you love

Sparkly hugs, me & Cherry







POHEM ABOUT THE CONDAs (City of Newcastle Drama Awards)


By Denise Gold aged 27 ¾. Again.


Isn’t it great to win a CONDA?

Isn’t it grand to be on show?

The face paint, the spotlights

The costumes, the applause

I want to own a CONDA

Not just take a look at yours



Isn’t it great to win a CONDA?

A cabinet all gleaming full of gold

You learn your lines & focus

And you give it all you’ve got

I want to own a CONDA

Just to prove I’m smokin’ hot!


So tell your friends & family from the rooftops

“I wanna win a CONDA” yes I do

I’ll polish it at night time & keep it sparkling clean

And I’ll take care of my CONDA trophy too



Isn’t it great to win a CONDA?

Isn’t it divine to be a star?

The companies, rehearsals

The chorus line of folk

I want to own a CONDA

If it sends me bloody broke


Isn’t it great to win a CONDA?

Isn’t it elite to say you’ve won?

The wings of glass are subtle

And the golden shaft is grand

I want to own a CONDA

See it resting in my hand


So tell your friends on Facebook & on Twitter

I wanna win a CONDA yes I do

I’ll practise if it kills me, & I’ll dance until I’m trim

Behind my hands I’ll whisper ‘why’d they give them all to him?’

I’ll cross rough seas to get one & I’ll ignore every whim

Each obstacle before me will be met with a firm chin

If I have to spend 4 hours daily in the local gym

Ken Longworth, hear my plea because my chance is looking slim

The theatre tree is healthy but I’m hanging by a limb

So join with me in voice & let’s all sing the CONDA hymn


I won’t rest until I get one

I just really, really want one

I’m just desperate for a CONDA ballyhoo!







Cherry is in Delhi

She flew there on a 'plane

The trip was slightly bumpy

They landed in the rain


The food was hot & spicy

She scared the cabin crew

The captain asked 'Where's Cherry'

They said 'She's Vindaloo'


You're welcome!



PS Last word from her was late last night...she had been stapled into the wooden crate with a 22ft Ganesh statue & will be landing in Sydney in about 35 minutes.

Hope her tummy is on the mend!