GOLDEN NIGHTINGALES

Staff here at a private hospital in Melbourne have noticed something v-e-r-y- odd afoot in Albert Watson Newton's room. A woman who looked as if Dame Edna & Dolly Parton had procreated, tried repeatedly to enter his room, each time wearing more and more ridiculous outfits, obviously in her feeble attempts to appear authorised to tend to the sick Moonfaced patient.

Things have been quiet for a while & we are just so relieved to see that in the last hour only one person has entered the room - a homely looking nurse in soft soled white shoes who seems to have brought untold relief to our patient, the beloved Bert. When the new locum, a 'Dr Golden Girl' entered just 4 minutes ago she returned saying he is sleeping peacefully with a smile on his dial & a sparkly new catheter bag that has rhinetones & glitter up its tube. 

We will continue to monitor him with love & devotion & a keen eye to keep any renegade Bert stalker away from him in this, his time of need,

Yours,

Margot Hardman (Clinical Nurse Specialist)

PS in other news, the usual resident doctor has been found gaffa taped in the broom closet. Hospital security is investigating.