YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE DANCING...AGAIN!

Here at DGI we've had word from our ASIO mole that Leo Sayer has been onto every directory assistance telephonist (in more ways than one) desperately seeking Denise's number.

Cherry Holden has released a short statement;

"Leo, use your head & return to your own wisdom via those golden lyrics ;

'When I neeeeeeed you, I just close my eyes & I'm wiiiiiiith you' - might be more reliable than Telstra.

PS Denise is at bingo today, bridge tomorrow & housie on Saturday. Maybe you could fit in between her photo shoot with the Newcastle Knights (still to be confirmed) tomorrow arvo or her 'being shot at by polystyrene balls under pressure' massage (a new product she is considering franchising) after bingo today."

Yours sincerely,

The desk of Denise Gold

(but not Denise; her agent acting by proxy, definitely NOT written by Denise Gold).

PS Leo! Psssst! My phone number is the chemical symbol for gold followed by my postcode. Toodles!

DENISE IN THE CAN?

An order has just been processed at Spam HQ on a Gold Amex card in the name of Ms Denise Gold.

With rumours that the Miss Newcastle Showgirl 2010 selection committee is holding a Fancy Dress Party at Fanny's next weekend it seems logical to assume this is what MDG has chosen to wear. It seems Denise is determined to be a hit & by jingo she'll be standing out like dog's nuts (Bernard King Junior LOVES his cashews). If the judges can't see underneath this gaudy exterior to feel the golden heart beating under this vibrant but perhaps somewhat overly colourful choice then...they must be in need of a Guide Dog.

Denise's Fancy Dress Costume

And the good news is, if it doesn't get her a place she can at least put it in her wardrobe ready for the cooking show she & Flash are whipping up - DENISE'S SPREAD.

Signed,

CEO DGI

APB ON MDG

Newcastle Police are seeking an escapee from their Church St lock up. Word heard over their CB indicates a woman (described as blonde, 5'6", petite, aged 25-30) left via a dramatic helicopter rescue at 7.34am this morning. At the helm of the bird's joystick was none other than local cabaret star Ms Denise Gold's personal assistant Cherry Holden - well, Detective Larry McCloskey from the Vice Squad swears it was her but would not explain further, & added that if there were any aspersions cast on his private life they would be swiftly be dealt with by his lawyer...

Witnesses say a long leopard print bed sheet (Drama Queen size) was lowered from the cabin with the pilot showing incredible control in mid-hover...skill of such calibre has not been seen since the 1980's when crack drug smugglers from the Golden Triangle paid American ex-Vietnam helicopter guns big moula to train them in the art of rescuing imprisoned soldiers.

The escapee in question appeared from behind bars wearing a sequinned green pair of too-small underpants & strangely paused to sing the theme song from Prisoner, Cell Block H, "He Used to Bring Me Roses". She then commando style (arm over arm) pulled herself up into the helicopter before giving those left on the ground a huge grin, a flash of far too much flesh, turning only to flip them the bird.

If anyone gets wind of this person do not, we repeat DO NOT approach. She may be armed in hideous bat winged satin 1970's apparel & be in possession of some criminal Glomesh accessories.

Left behind at the scene were these gold sunglasses which the 'Style File' editor from the Newcastle Herald says are so old they have come back into fashion.

Reported via Chief Commander Leonard 'I'm always to be found sinking a schooie at the Grand Hotel' Brownskin & edited in-house here at DGI. 

MR BIG MAKES CONTACT

The Denise Gold Detective Agency (DGDA...which looks like a country music chart if you ask me) has noticed some v-e-r-y interesting traffic on MDG's Crackbook page. Seems an 'old friend' has sent her a seemingly innocent message indicating he is in INDONESIA...visions of Schapelle Corby are spinning around in the membrane of this writer (who shall remain nameless)...it just seems too coincidental that DG's new venture into her own coffee product was announced yesterday & this morning a 'light & breezy' post comes in!

I might not be the most glittery log shaped 'coffee bean' in the espresso machine but I can smell a set up when it wafts my way...speaking of which - I need to get out of this headwind. It smells like the Burwood Sewage Treatment plant just opened its vents.

Bodyboard bag of El Goldio anyone?

Signed,

Anon

café AU WHAT the?

Some steamy news has crossed the desk here at Denise Gold Industries. With no word from the CEO of RIVER ROAST as yet, Denise is in secret talks with an Indonesian coffee provider to make her OWN drinkable product.

Just working on a tagline now...how about

"Who puts the AU in café au lait?"

Flash just whipped this initial artwork up on his Imac in Photoshop Elements for the logo now...

CRAPPUCCINO DELICACY link